Get Off the Bus - Depression, Anxiety & Obsession

Chapter 1

Riding the Bus

How much of your day is spent worrying? Do you spend time endlessly resenting and regretting the past? Do you procrastinate? These are common problems my clients have experienced. In my work, I refer to these patterns of thinking and emotion as riding the bus—with the implied goal of getting off the bus and into life.

Riding the bus can affect one’s life in serious and intense ways. Do depressing or anxious feelings and thoughts prevent you from living your life to its fullest? Does trauma from your past make poor decisions in the future seem inevitable? Do you put yourself down or “stress out” about what others may think of you?

Some of these questions reflect patterns associated with conditions like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Indeed, you may suffer from a current state of mind that will not shut down as it cycles through thoughts, delivering compulsive urges to use drugs, alcohol, or the Internet. Or you may suffer from anxiety and panic that make you so self-conscious that you fail to reach your goals.

Being stuck riding the bus can rob you of your life. I wrote this book to help you get off the bus and into healthy engagement with a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Bus rides can disrupt your day, your week—even your life. Allow me to illustrate how dysfunctional thoughts and feelings associated with procrastination, wishful thinking, self-doubt and worry play havoc with your mood and your thinking in the stories below. As you read below, think about the bus rides that rob you of precious moments and richness in your own life.

Procrastination: The Kitchen Floor

The kitchen floor weighed heavily on my mind. It was ripe for cleaning. The floor and I glared at each other for about thirty minutes. Slowly, procrastination caused me to feel heavy, lethargic, and depressed. I felt energy leaving my body. Here I was, the first day of the weekend, and I was sinking into a gloomy mood. Stalling, I made another pot of coffee. I begrudgingly thought about the tools and cleaners I would need to clean the kitchen floor. I wondered where I had stored them all. I started to resent having to clean the floor on my weekend. How long would it take to clean the kitchen floor? Would I find the cleaning supplies? With these questions, my mood sank even lower.

Still in my pajamas, I moved very slowly. I looked at the clock and noticed I had been thinking off-and-on about cleaning the kitchen floor for nearly two hours now. My mood plummeted to an even lower level, gradually cascading to depression and no energy. I glared at the clock; almost all of Saturday morning had passed. In a flurry of motivation, I cranked up the stereo with the best Motown selection I could find. I located the cleaning supplies, got down on my hands and knees and began scrubbing the kitchen floor. Twenty minutes later, with a smile across my face, the floor was clean.

Who has not experienced something like this—being held hostage by thoughts about a task when the task itself only requires a little focused effort? Let’s consider the pattern that underlies this behavior. In this example of procrastination, we observe that overthinking about cleaning the kitchen floor results in a lethargic and depressed mood. In this case, dwelling on such unproductive thoughts and their attendant emotions exemplify what riding the bus means. We observe that when the bus rider is fed up with the ride, he focuses and engages in the task, cleaning the floor. When engaged in cleaning the floor the negative thoughts and emotions dissipate. The task is completed and our example procrastinator gets back to experiencing a more productive and satisfying life.

For many people, procrastination is a way of life that results in distress and diminished satisfaction. Yet the addictive power of riding the bus—that is, dwelling on thoughts and emotions—can be difficult to stop. Awareness of the thought patterns underlying procrastination is essential to being able to reduce or stop these behaviors. Rather than allowing this pattern to occur and recur, robbing hours at a time, my goal is to help readers identify these patterns promptly, if not to avoid bus rides altogether, to make the rides as brief as possible.

In another example of procrastination and overthinking, a working mother procrastinates and then dwells on her lack of results. This cycle causes her stress, while robbing her of the opportunity to fully enjoy time with her family.

Don’t Bring Your Work Home: The Dreaded Weekly Report

At the end of every week, I am required to submit a report to the corporate office. This report reflects the work I have completed during the week. It also keeps the corporate office updated as to what is happening in the field. Each week, I dread preparing this report. I often resent that the corporate office wants me to spend fifty hours doing my job and then work two additional hours writing them how I did it. Corporate expects the report at the end of the day on Friday. However, I know they aren’t going to look at it until Monday morning. Consequently, I habitually procrastinate writing it, finding myself preparing the report at the last minute every Sunday night. The report has to be submitted via the Internet before the system goes down at 9:30 PM.

At the end of the day on Friday, finally happy to be done with my workweek, I slap my laptop shut and turn my attention to the weekend. Almost immediately, I start to worry: first that I won’t remember my activities of the workweek, then that I need to report on Sunday night. I immediately rationalize that I deserve a break now and that I can do the report later. I decide to be done with work for a few days.

On Saturday night just before going to sleep, I find myself dreading the weekly report again. The thought just keeps resurfacing. Then again on Sunday morning as I awaken, rubbing my tired eyes, lying in bed, I think, “Ugh — I have to get that weekly report done today.” “But not yet, I will go get some coffee, maybe read the newspaper, and try not to think about work.”I go about the activities of the day with the thought of the report repeatedly nagging at me. I wonder why the muscles in my neck are so tense and I find it difficult to focus and enjoy the time with my kids.

As the afternoon presses on, I start to feel sick to my stomach. I want to lie down and take a nap. I go through my day with my kids and I am only half conscious, just going through the motions. Sighing, I think about the unfinished weekly report off and on throughout the day. Then at around 6:00 PM, my 8- year-old son runs into the living room and announces, “I have a school project due tomorrow!” I pull out his backpack and realize it’s going to take us a couple of hours to get this project done. Adding to my stress is the fact that we are going to have to go to the store and get some supplies in order to complete it. I think to myself, “Why on earth didn’t he tell me about this sooner? He’s known about the project for a whole week.” I have no idea how we are going to get his project done before he needs to go to bed. I begin to panic because I must also get my weekly report completed before the server goes down at 9:30 PM. My mind races and my blood pressure rises.

By the skin of our teeth, we complete the school project. I help my son get ready for bed. I look at the clock and panic. There is no possible way for me to complete the weekly report tonight. I realize I will have to get up at 5:00 AM to submit the report before corporate opens at 8:00 AM on the East Coast. I try to sleep, but I toss and turn stressing over the weekly report. I worry that I will sleep through the alarm. My stomach is in a knot.

I awaken at 4:00 AM and my mind continues to race with anxiety. I decide to get up and orient myself. At about 5:00 AM I compile my notes and write up a report that summarizes the events of my last workweek. I electronically submit the report. I vow to get the report completed and submitted before 6:00 PM next Friday from now on. I think, “Why do I ever put this report off? I should always do it on Friday so I can enjoy my weekend.”

Repetitive thinking, wishing, and worrying can derail you from progressing in life. In the next account you will see that thoughts alone can become tremendous obstacles to accomplishing goals. Wishful thinking—as opposed to accepting reality and moving forward—is often a repetitive pattern of thought that hinders healthy activity and increases distress.

Interview Anxiety: The Graduate

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

— Charles Spurgeon

I graduated from college assuming that my college degree would guarantee me a good job. I was wrong. There are no guarantees. I worked at a golf course through school and could not find a better job after graduation. I thought after working there for eight years and passing golf credential tests, I should at least be earning more than minimum wage without benefits. I was recently passed over for a promotion in favor of someone who was older. I also thought that he might have interviewed better than me. I was very nervous during my interview. I dwelled on the fact that I became terribly nervous before...