Epsilon 5 {plates 81- 100}

P81 /All the World’s A Stage/---A British watchdog group slammed a report indicating its consumers liked genetically-modified corn more than natural corn when it was discovered the corporation labeled natural corn as “wormy.” This corporation also was caught misrepresenting the British dental industry by claiming its citizens had the world’s healthiest teeth by using dental photographs of poor villagers from a former colony.

P82 /Return to Sender/---Numerous social studies in 2015 found the Western Hemisphere has the widest array of communication devices (cell phones, beepers, email, text message, instant messages, satellite TV, etc.) ever devised and available for humanity. Numerous psychological studies in 2016 indicate Westerners are the most disconnected generation since the Fall of Ancient Rome

P83 /Chinese Spies and Cheeseburgers on The Moon/---Within the next 10 years, the U.S., China, Israel, and a host of private companies plan to set up camp on the moon. So, if and when they plant a flag, does that give them property rights? A NASA working group hosted a discussion this week to ask: who owns the moon? The answer, of course, is no one. The Outer Space Treaty, the international law signed by more than 100 countries, states that the moon and other celestial bodies are the province of all mankind. Why do we think humanity will act any differently on the moon than on Earth?

P84 /No. 2 Hits the Fan/---A new study published in Frontier in Zoology posits the theory that dogs poop by getting into proper alignment with the Earth’s magnetic field. I can dig it because when I pee in the forest I often attempt to defy gravity just for rebellion’s sake. Folks, we got a horrible bird flu that if continues to mutate will jump species and kill millions of people. And we got scientists actually studying dog poop for cosmic mysteries. Go figure.

P85 /The Suckers Might Have Ph.D.’s/---Throughout the 19th century salesmen traveled the U.S. peddling snake oil to cure all medical ills may not have been fraudulent after all. For centuries snake oil has been a folk remedy in Chinese medicine, used primarily to treat joint pain such as arthritis and bursitis. Its introduction to the U.S. most likely occurred with the arrival of Chinese laborers who came to build the Transcontinental Railroad in the mid-1800s. They may have offered snake oil to fellow workers as relief for suffering long days of physical toil. Snake oil is rich in Omega-3 fatty acids in fact it is richer than Salmon which is considered the highest source of omega-3. PT Barnum might have been wrong.

P86 /Logs in Their Eyes/---Optic specialists are complaining video games are causing more cases of near sightedness in non-teenage children. When asked if they have removed video games from their households, the reply is not printable in a family publication. Back at ya, bud.

P87 /Vitamin K-12 And the Common Bore/---The New York teacher’s union will be the first major organization to lobby for the total dismissal of Common Core educational curriculum in the school system for the State of New York. When asked why such a radical departure a union spokeswoman said the curriculum has no formal texts books after two years of implementation and appears to push students to answer on lessons they've had little to no preparation from the former curriculum. A Dept of Education spokesman commented " we have to catch up to the rest of the world." Yeah right, and the very best way to achieve this questionable goal is to force unfair lesson plans on unprepared kids.

P88 /Stop Fracking Making Excuses/---Environmental groups in the US have criticized fracking for shale gas for years claiming its harmful to land and water. Now some of these same groups are urging China to start mass fracking in an effort to reduce their dangerous smog conditions from burning unclean coal. This type of double standard is becoming more common and even more contemptible in the recent past they gave the ok for Brazil to burn down the rain forest in an effort to modernize their economy. If we are going to create an international standard for environmental practices we need to abide by it and not keep excusing countries because of their so-called third world populations. Last I checked China, Brazil and Venezuela possess booming economies. The West should not be punished because these societies mismanage their resources.

P89 /Loco Mojo/---British Journal of Psychiatry study says comedians more likely to suffer from mental illness which may be secret of humor. In a totally related story, a study of mental health professionals reveals their community has higher rate of divorce and suicide. I wonder what’s the secret to their incredible intelligence.

P90 /Not Funny About This Honey/---A study claims bee deaths may stem from virus. The mysterious mass die-offs of honeybees that have wiped out roughly a third of commercial colonies each year since 2006 may be linked to a rapidly mutating virus that jumped from tobacco plants to soy plants to bees, according to a new study. Makes more sense than the usual climate change story which often condemns animals and plants in distress with a questionable sickness (global warming) that truly has no cure.

P91 /Whining Over Weed/---Recently the State of Florida put forth a piece of legislation submitted medical marijuana for children with certain diseases. And this from the State that has jailed parents when their kids got into the wine stash and accidentally became intoxicated. Apparently, lawmakers have surmised it is more practical to tax marijuana than vomiting children.

P92 /Caffeine And Forgetting Our Priorities/---This week, scientists reported that caffeine could give a boost to memory consolidation, the step right after your brain acquires a memory. During memory consolidation, activity patterns laid down in your brain become more permanent. The study suggested that caffeine might perk up this stage of memory formation. Another way to boost memory is too pass a law prohibiting funding of stupid scientific studies such as caffeine and its effects on memory. Maybe our scientists will remember we need them to find a cure for Cancer, AIDS, Blindness, etc.

P93 /UFO’s: Unidentified Foreign Observers/---In an interview with Russia Today, Paul Hellyer, a former Defense Minister of Canada, declared his belief in alien visitations to Earth, “There been a lot more alien activity in the last few decades.” The reason for this, he said, was that man was stupid enough to invent the atomic bomb. Aliens are frightened that we're going to use it again (and again) and that this will affect the whole balance of the cosmos. I agree with Hellyer, there are aliens walking amongst us in America, we call them Canadians.

P94 /Meow, You Big Dumb Cow/---A recent zoological conclusion: “Cats think you are just a big, stupid cat.” Anthrozoologist John Bradshaw insists that cats really aren't terribly domesticated and think that humans are the same species as them, but oddly "non-hostile." I’m not offended as long as cats don’t start howling at the moon when they discover I always thought they were a major food source in a nuclear war.

P95 /Endangering My Liberty Is Threatening My Security/---Corneal reflections may one day help solve crimes. Investigators already use images from security cameras and photographs snapped by bystanders to solve crimes, but a new study suggests criminal evidence could actually be found in photos that capture the reflections in bystanders' eyes. Researchers from the University of York and the University of Glasgow used high-resolution photography to zoom in on faces and eyes in photos to see what's reflected back through bystanders' corneas and found that observers were able to identify the images accurately even in low light. While we continue to snoop down to the eye sockets can be we figure out a way to catch criminals without defecating on every one of my privacy rights.

P96 /Test Tube Obvious/---A major study in Biology & Nature states calorie restriction has been shown to prolong lifespan in yeast, worms, flies, monkeys, and, in some studies, humans. Wow, we need a big expensive scientific study to point out those who are less obese tend to live longer.

P97 /Robots Don’t Need Viagra/---A study has been carried out by researchers at the Universitat Politècnica de València, in collaboration with Valencia winery Torre Oria want to use electronic tongues to help grape growers with detail information on the degree of grape maturity hoping this will improve competitiveness. Robots do online banking. Robots build cars. Now Robots are drinking wine. Our wives are next, you can quote me.

P98 /Plastic Plants, Real Hearts/---Researchers designed a soil-moisture sensor device that can allow a house plant to communicate with its owner. The device can send short messages to a mobile phone, Twitter or...